Love opens you up. It brings all of your insecurities to the surface. When they emerge, it can really hurt the relationship. I find in my practice that it is better to deal with the root than to focus on the fruit. So, in this post I want to highlight one of the many reasons that men become insecure.
If you have ever been intimate with a woman who was in a committed relationship, you know, that taking another man’s woman does wonders for your ego. It makes you think you are the bigger man. It will make you quadruple your sense of self. It just feels good.
On the flip side, the level of prestige you feel, actually, does more harm than good. Why? Because, below the surface you are making agreements. Your perception of how women act in relationships, is being formed.
You never really realize the damage to your psyche and emotions until the day you find someone you really want to commit to. That's when you discover how many issues you have. You realize that you walk around with the belief that...women are untrustworthy. You've experienced it first hand.
When you are the 'other' guy, there is nothing at stake for you so, you could care less if she is being faithful to you or not. Actually, because she is being so honest with you, that makes you feel secure. However, knowing that the woman who you are cheating with, is in a relationship, slowly chips away at your belief that you could ever meet a woman who wouldn't do the same thing.
Fast forward ahead to when you are ‘the’ man in the relationship, you become weary that the man ‘you’ used to be might come along and get into your lady’s ear and do to you what you have done to others. For some of you, this high level of concern borders on paranoia.
You check her phone while she is the shower. You get angry when you call and she doesn't pick up. You throw a tantrum when she isn't where she said she would be. You read her emails. You look to deep into Facebook conversation with her friends. Constantly, looking, searching, probing...worried, that your karma, will rear it's ugly head.
It crazy how you can let your imagination run away with you. Right? You can actually create a reality that doesn't even exist. You accuse her of stuff that you think she might have done. To appease you should will even curtail some of her movements, but it's reallyyour suspicion that deprives her of certain freedoms. All because you are so afraid of being 'that guy'. The one who you heard, years prior, on the other end of the phone, while you sat nearby, listening, while he was being told lies by someone he thought he could trust.
It’s impossible to predict that creeping with a woman who is in a committed relationship will come back to haunt you some day, but it will. And it does.
Now we have articulated the problem, let's identify the solution. I'll keep it simple. I will give you 3 steps you can take to begin the healing process [because it will be a process]:
1. Clean Up Your Karma - Go back to any woman who you have ever hurt or cheated with, and share what you know now about how the relationship you had with her has impacted you. Apologize for your transgressions [and really mean it].
2. Ask Her For Help - Request that your lady assist you by patient and gentle with you as you heal from this. Ask her to hug and assure you when ever you become overcome with fear? By doing this together ,you will defeat this called insecurity [and grow closer together]. Also seek professional counseling. Therapy is a great way to heal you mind and heart.
3. Meditate On The Good - What you focus on grows, and what you ignore withers away. Spend quiet time saying words of affirmation to yourself. Remind your self [out-loud] how amazing you are. See all the things about yourself that made her choose you. That would make any woman chose you. Instead of using your imagination to think, negative, use it for the opposite.