Some of the hurtful things that we do to one another in our relationships, we do unconsciously. For this reason, we can be totally unaware of how we are negatively affecting our own love lives.
The most requested service by many of my clients in committed relationships are conflict resolution convos. Their discord usually always centers around one partner feeling like aren't able to get the other to see and understand something that is impacting the love in the relationship. If you are going through this, please know, that you are not alone. It's common and there is hope to change the situation.
We all have blind spots, which are things that we can not see about ourselves. Even when someone tells us about it, we disagree because of our inability to see it.
When we receive feedback about those particular things, we think that the other person doesn't know what they are talking about, so we continue the same behavior. By not making the adjustment the other person feels unheard, misunderstood and hurt. Because your partner has to carry these feelings around with them, it affects the flow of love within them and toward you. They begin to find it harder to trust, communicate and be affectionate with you.
If you want to heal the disharmony and find your own blind spots here is what you have to do.
The 1st step in being able to deal with your own blinds spots is to acknowledge that every human being on the planet has them, and you are not exempt. Accepting this as a truth, will enhance your self-awareness and help you to avoid disregarding important feedback that can make you better person, for yourself and your beau.
The 2nd step is to develop your ability to hear and receive feedback that is not pleasant about yourself from your partner or people who you care about. Sometimes you may have to seek out a third-party such as a therapist, life coach or a friend who are skilled at getting through to you. This will help you develop a higher level of self-awareness.
The 3rd step is to make a commitment to each other to create a culture of open-mindedness and gentle critic within the relationship. One way of doing this is by creating weekly or monthly check-in conversations, to give and receive feedback from each other.
Now, taking these steps and making these shifts, doesn't mean that the feedback is always completely accurate, however, what it does is, enable you to be receptive to something you might be unconscious to. In addition [and more importantly] it makes your partner feel like 1. you care about their feeling, 2. you are actually 'listening' to what they are saying to you and you're open to take their constructive criticism into consideration.